I literally get DIRTY but quickly get clean

So the other day I was minding my own business at work when Lisa who is my Chinese cultural consultant comes into to my office with a present. Lisa is a very sweet 72 year old motherly type who knows that I like to eat and also knows that I like her cooking so she brought me a gift.

Picture it, me sitting at my desk at lunchtime starving (I am always starving and even if I am not really, I like the drama of saying STARVING) when Lisa enters my office and announces that she has a present for me. Naturally I know it is food so I get super excited and Lisa tells me it is her famous shrimp dish which is  1 pound of shrimp cooked in the shell (Lisa says this keeps the shrimp from getting tough) that has been sauteed in onions, choy sum (similar to bok choy), and lot's of sauce. For some reason I still can't figure out, both Lisa and I thought it would be a good idea for me to peek at the present while I was sitting at my desk and the bag was directly over my lap. I am sure you figured out by now that the second she tipped the bag to open it, the shrimpy, oniony sauce poured all over my lap and on to the carpet.

Here is where I should have been crying but I was laughing because the situation was so ridiculous and also because Lisa kept saying I have to go buy you a pair of pants. I work in Brooklyn's Chinatown and there are no stores anywhere close that she could buy me a pair of pants. After laughing so hard I walked to the front of the office (walking with wet pants is hard) and said to Arlene (motherly admin assistant) help what do I do. Poor Arlene said let me try to find some seltzer. She did not find any so I did the only thing I could do which was to lock myself in the bathroom, take my pants off and wash them in the sink. Luckily I was wearing very lightweight pants from the GAP that had a good amount of lycra in them. After washing the pants I ring them out in the sink and put the wet pants back on. Now Arlene had a great idea which was to take her space heater and put the heat on my pants so they would dry. This worked so now Lisa and I could both relax a bit.

As if it was planned to brighten my day, I received a package 2 minutes after my pants dried. My great package was from my friend Suzanne who sent me 2 body souffles from her company Not Soap Radio. One was called "I'm not here, I'm really vacationing in a quaint seaside village" and the other was "I'm not here, I'm really island hopping." Being impatient, I opened the package as quickly as I could and proceeded to slather on the  scents of body souffle. It was at this point that it occurred to me that if I closed my eyes and took a deep sniff that I could almost be vacationing on a seaside island while eating shrimp.

After all was said and done, I ate the shrimp (you knew I was going to because I was STARVING).

Thank you Suzanne and Lisa for making my day unique and bright.